21 small things that fill Melburnians with irrational rage
Ah, Melbourne—a city known for its coffee, culture, and citizenry that can go from zero to seething at the drop of a hat over seemingly trivial things. Let’s explore the minor nuisances that can ruffle the feathers of even the most laid-back Melburnian. Buckle up; it’s going to be a hilariously infuriating ride!
A Sudden Tram Fare Increase
When Myki prices increase, you can almost hear the collective groan echoing down Collins Street. Nothing fuels commuter rage like an extra few cents on the morning ride.
The ‘Four Seasons in One Day’ Weather
You left home in a jacket and scarf, and by lunchtime, you’re sweating like you’re in the Sahara. Melbourne’s weather, why do you play us like this?
Coffee That’s Merely Good
In Melbourne, coffee isn’t just a drink; it’s a religion. Serve a Melburnian a subpar cup, and watch their inner monster emerge.
Someone Standing on the Right on Escalators
It’s an unspoken rule: stand on the left, walk on the right. Get it wrong, and feel the burn of a hundred impatient glares on your back.
Being Asked if Sydney is Better
Just don’t. Really, do you want to start a war?
Slow Wi-Fi in Cafés
We came for the Wi-Fi and stayed for the coffee. If the internet crawls, so does our mood.
The phrase “It’s Just a Game” After a Footy Loss
To a Melburnian, football is life. Losing hurts, and those five words do not help.
Avocado Shortages
No avo for the toast? It’s practically a culinary catastrophe.
Non-Melburnians Mispronouncing’ Melbourne’
It’s ‘Mel-burn,’ not ‘Mel-bourne.’ Get it right, or risk a lecture on proper pronunciation.
Rain on Grand Final Day
It’s sacred. Rain, how dare you dampen our spirits?
Tourists Blocking Flinders Street Station Steps
We get it; it’s a beautiful building, but please take that selfie quickly!
Finding a ‘Great Spot’ That’s Already Packed
That little-known bar isn’t so little-known anymore.
Paying More Than $20 for Brunch
It’s just eggs, people. Eggs!
Running Out of Myki Credit
Especially when you’re already late, and there’s a queue at the top-up machine.
The Hunt for a Decent Parking Spot
Circling the block for the fifth time as someone else snatches your spot.
Losing Your Favourite Table in a Café to a Newcomer
That was MY nook for brooding and book-reading, thank you very much.
Overhearing Someone Say the Nightlife Used to Be Better
“Yeah, in the good old days…” Sure, Jan.
A Barista Moving to a Rival Café
It feels like a personal betrayal. “But I just got to know your coffee preferences!”
The Sudden Appearance of an Artsy Popup Bar in Your Quiet Hideout
Great, now everyone’s here.
Public Transport Delays When You’re Already Running Late
The announcement that a train is delayed due to ‘operational issues’ can make a saint swear.
The CBD’s Ever-Changing Skyline
“Wait, when did that building go up?” Keeping up with construction is like a full-time hobby.
While these things might drive a Melburnian to the brink of despair, they are all part of the charm of living in Australia’s cultural capital. At the end of the day, we wouldn’t have it any other way—except maybe for consistently perfect coffee and a little less rain on footy days.
